HEAD's Up
by Irhaboggles
Summary: Just a series of unrelated one-shots about Big Head and her misguided but well-meant inventor/mother.
1. Beautiful Creation

As a scientist and gadgeteer, Professor Squawkencluck literally spent her entire life creating things. It was her sole purpose in life. It was also her greatest passion. As such, she considered herself an artist and, like every artist, she took great pride in all her work. Her creations and inventions became her children. They weren't just machines, they were her life and soul. In the same way a painting was more than just a painting in the eyes of a painter, so too was Professor Squawkencluck's inventions. They were a reflection of her deepest, truest self. All of her inventions were. And she loved them all deeply, just as much as any artist ever loved their masterpieces. Even if the rest of the world disliked some of her inventions and works, in her eyes, they were always perfect, just because each of them had been made with such love and passion.

That was why, even after HEAD continuously malfunctioned and went rogue, Professor Squawkencluck could never bring herself to trash the giant robot for long. HEAD was more than just a robot and she was more than just a glitch. She was Professor Squawkencluck's creation and child. She was Professor Squawkencluck's pride and joy, her best and favorite creation. HEAD wasn't just a piece of technology, she was Professor Squawkencluck's time, effort, hard work and dedication. She was months of blood, sweat, tears, wires, cogs and gears. She was vision, she was art, she was a masterpiece! She was genius! Pure inspiration, intellect and ingenuity! She was a creature of beauty and power. She was perfection and precision, a beautiful creation full of detail and design, complex and complete, very intentionally and carefully constructed. HEAD was not "just" anything. At least not in the eyes of Professor Squawkencluck.

So even after HEAD managed to betray the Danger Agency yet again, Professor Squawkencluck still kept on forgiving her and putting her back together. And she would never stop either. Even if it was the wisest decision to destroy HEAD forever, Professor Squawkencluck refused to even consider such an idea. She might've been one the smartest people in the world, but she was still human and, as such, had feelings and fears and irrationalities just like everyone else. That was why she refused to put HEAD down. It was because she felt for HEAD, she felt for her baby.

And the reason she loved HEAD most of all was because she saw the robot as her finest achievement, her magnum opus, a perfect reflection of who she was at heart. Even if HEAD was also one of her most flawed, dangerous and accident-prone creations, she was still Professor Squawkencluck's favorite, hands down. Why else would she keep bringing HEAD back after all of this time? Professor Squawkencluck adored HEAD, and saw her life's work and passion reflected in HEAD's monitor. HEAD wasn't just an amazing invention, and she wasn't just _Professor Squawkencluck's _amazing invention either. She was also, in a sense, Professor Squawkencluck herself. A living mirror of the original scientist.

"Don't worry," the hen whispered to the shattered pieces of HEAD. "I will put you back together again and you will return once more, even bigger, brighter and better than ever before. I will fix you, put you back together, fix my mistakes and make you whole again. You will come back to life, properly this time, and this time, you won't break or mess up. I promise. I will build you the life you deserve. The life that I envision and will create for you, my darling and precious machine! My baby, my child, my creation, my world! I _will _fix you and do it right this time!"

And Professor Squawkencluck, hiding HEAD's pieces in the darkest corners of her lab, quickly got to work, slowly and painstakingly putting the rogue robot back together, piece by piece. Her dearest and most beloved creation would not die today. She would come back, Professor Squawkencluck was sure of it. And this time, she would come back right. Professor Squawkencluck would see to it that she did! There would be no more mistakes more mishaps from HEAD, not this time, Professor Squawkencluck swore it!

"Don't worry, HEAD, it will all be over soon," she comforted the fragmented pieces of her creation. "Mommy will finish you soon and you will be back online again and everything will be back to the way it used to be, to the way it should've been. Just give me a little bit longer and I'll have you all fixed up! All will be right once again, I promise, my beautiful, beautiful creation. You'll be just like me again, and everything will be ok!"

And about a month after HEAD's most recent meltdown, while everyone else had gone home for the night, Professor Squawkencluck stayed behind in her lab, working tirelessly. Then, right before the sun came up over London's horizons, a system flickered to life.

"HEAD Defense Systems standing by..."

"There you are my girl," Professor Squawkencluck whispered. "There you go. All back to normal. Just like you're supposed to be. Just like you should've been. Everything's ok again, everything's ok now. And I promise that, this time, it will stay that way. Alright my girl? Good." And Professor Squawkencluck smiled as a familiar face flickered on the screen of HEAD. She was... alive!

"My beautiful creation..."

**AN: Consider this a random drabble crossed with an analysis of why the heck Professor Squawkencluck keeps bringing HEAD back. **

**(TBH though, I don't mind. I like Squawk and HEAD. I'd watch a HEAD episode again, easily. Shauna Macdonald is awesome!) **

**I mostly attribute it to the fact that she sort of sees HEAD as her baby. For one, she refers to HEAD's first meltdown as "teething troubles" and for another, she gives HEAD an emergency self-protection protocol. Squawk really is a mother hen, to her inventions at least.**

**(Also, one thing that always bothered me, in the very first episode with HEAD, when someone called her "Big Head", she replies by saying, "Name is NOT Big Head," but then she proceeds to respond to that name for the rest of the episode and every episode after. I don't get it.)**


	2. Fatal Flaw

"I just can't understand it!" Professor Squawkencluck muttered darkly as she rubbed her temples. "No matter what I do, HEAD _always _goes rogue! I've done everything right! Followed all the plans! Made all the calculations! But why won't she work?!" the hen gave a loud sigh. She had just rebuilt HEAD for the millionth time, but this time, she had reduced the mighty machine down to the size of an action figure. Where HEAD had once towered over everyone, standing 20 feet tall, she was now no more than about 20 inches. Everything was built to scale and she was an exact replica of what she used to be, just downsized. But even though her body was tiny, her personality was just as large and belligerent as it used to be. That was what had Professor Squawkencluck so frustrated! It seemed that no matter what she did, she could never get HEAD's personality to follow her body. Even when she was in a small and harmless state, she was still as commandeering and cold as ever.

"I just don't get it!" the hen repeated tiredly as she watched the Mini-Me run in circles on the lab table, trying to zap her tools into oblivion because they were "unsafe instruments that, while left out and unattended, could cause serious bodily harm and damage!" HEAD had a point there, but her creator could only watch her work with a sad and almost defeated expression.

"Come on HEAD," the larger, flesh-and-blood hen sighed at last. "Time for bed."

"Curfew must be strictly obeyed so that all citizens of London may get a full night's rest to maintain their physical, mental and emotional health!" HEAD declared in her deep, booming voice, though because everything about her had become far smaller, her voice didn't travel very far.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Professor Squawkencluck rolled her eyes as she plucked the robot up, ignoring her as she began to protest being manhandled.

"You must firmly grasp HEAD and hold upright or sensors and wires may malfunction and cause electric discharge!" she continued to prattle off. Professor Squawkencluck only heaved another sigh before continuing to carry HEAD in the same way she had before.

Professor Squawkencluck placed HEAD carefully inside a large dollhouse-like construction sitting in the corner of her lab. She had built it just a few days before bringing back HEAD. Although it only looked like a dollhouse, however, it was actually far more complex and magnificent. For one thing, it was a fully functioning home. All the doors, windows, lights, furniture and appliances worked. And for another, the entire house was stocked with all the things HEAD needed to survive, like spare parts and various forms of extra fuel and energy for her to recharge on.

Most importantly, though, there was a high-tech, high-security lock system on the house. This was for two reasons. The first was just to keep HEAD inside and ensure she didn't try to escape and cause more mayhem. Tiny though she was, Professor Squawkencluck was not stupid enough to think that size rendered her powerless. The second reason was to keep anyone else from getting _in_. To Professor Squawkencluck, the security didn't just keep HEAD inside, it kept intruders out. Everyone else at the Danger Agency had, several times over, expressed annoyance and distrust and dislike for HEAD. Professor Squawkencluck didn't blame them for this, but because she did still highly protective over her creation, she figured that a few extra security measures wouldn't hurt. She didn't trust her coworkers not to react badly if they were ever to find out that Professor Squawkencluck was harboring HEAD again. So the security wasn't just to protect the agency, it was also to protect HEAD.

"Goodnight, HEAD," Professor Squawkencluck sighed as she set the robot down. She obediently returned to the house, having been programmed to see the house as a nest instead of a prison. Walking robotically forward, she reached the house and went inside without any trouble or protest. Professor Squawkencluck could see, through the tiny glass windows, her tiny figure walking up the stairs to the "bedroom". Since HEAD was a robot, however, there was no bed in the room. Just a charging station. Professor Squawkencluck watched as HEAD powered down into sleep mode. As soon as her screen turned off, Professor Squawkencluck's own cartoonish face flickered from the screen, the real Professor Squawkencluck heaved a bittersweet sigh.

"Now why can't she be that well-behaved all the time?" the hen clucked disappointedly. She remained on her knees for a few minutes more, just watching HEAD sleep. Professor Squawkencluck really did not understand why HEAD got out of control so easily, and she genuinely could not figure out what had gone wrong to make HEAD so volatile and prone to accidents and betrayal. It was clear that HEAD didn't _mean_ to cause all of this trouble, and it was clear that the betrayals did not come from malice, but they still happened, and often with devastating results. But as far as Professor Squawkencluck could tell, the only problem was in the programming. It was coding being read wrong and misconstrued. It was commands being misinterpreted and taken too far, carried out to the letter and beyond. It was like a person who couldn't understand metaphors. Why was HEAD like that, though? Professor Squawkencluck had given the robot her intelligence, so why did it fail so often?

"If only she didn't take everything so literally, and to the extreme!" the hen sighed ruefully again, but because she had yet to work that little bug out of HEAD's system, she could only think on it bitterly. There was no easy solution to be found or easy equation to be solved, just endless wondering and worrying. What had gone wrong? Why did HEAD never come back right?

But at last, Professor Squawkencluck grew tired of pondering these questions. It all only ever seemed to lead her in circles anyways. And because she really, genuinely, truly, was still very fond of HEAD, she hated to think so poorly about the robot. The robot was not a mistake, it was just a glitch! One little mess-up! She could be fixed! She could be redeemed! She wasn't evil! Just not quite right. But that was a minor error, right? Professor Squawkencluck simply could not accept the idea that HEAD might've been a lost cause from the start.

"Because she isn't!" Professor Squawkencluck argued with herself. "She just needs a few more touch-ups! Then she'll be fine! She was created to be good, useful and helpful after all! I did not create her with bad intentions and I have treated her quite well! There is no reason for her to always go off the rails. And she is not evil! She is not doing this out of some vendetta! She is my creation! My child! She is me!" and that was one of the biggest reasons Professor Squawkencluck refused to see HEAD as irredeemable. For one, the concept of being unforgiveable was not in Professor Squawkencluck's belief system. For another, because she really did see HEAD as an extension of herself, and she knew herself to be a good and intelligent person, she refused to believe that HEAD could ever really be evil.

But for all the time, effort and thought Professor Squawkencluck put into this issue, there was one tiny thing she never even thought of: a heart, and compassion. And that was her fatal flaw. Professor Squawkencluck may have input her own personality into HEAD, but she was so selective about what parts of her to add into HEAD, HEAD still was not a perfect copy of Professor Squawkencluck, hence why HEAD always turned out so differently from creator and her creator's intentions. Professor Squawkencluck had given HEAD all of her intelligence, that was true. But in doing so, Professor Squawkencluck forgot an equally important component: her compassion.

Professor Squawkencluck had given HEAD a sense of justice and protectiveness, as she, herself, possessed, but she forgot to give HEAD a sense of kindness, gentleness, mercy and forgiveness. That was why HEAD was always so unflappable and unemotional! It was not because HEAD was evil, but because Professor Squawkencluck had forgotten to give her something that allowed her to see and understand actions in a bigger context. HEAD did not lack mercy because she lacked a heart, but because she lacked foresight and insight and empathy. Professor Squawkencluck hadn't seen those traits as important as intelligence and, thusly, left them out of HEAD's coding and personality. And that was the fatal error. Professor Squawkencluck's own skewered worldview and sense of what was/wasn't important was the true heart of the matter. It was her fatal flaw. She chose intelligence over compassion, and that was where the problems all began.

Additionally, because Professor Squawkencluck had wanted to give HEAD the very best in the world, she had refused to embed any of her own personal flaws into HEAD. This was an understandable decision, but it left HEAD eerily empty and perfect, only half a human because she had none of Professor Squawkencluck's flaws or faults. Without those, there was nothing to bring HEAD down from her lofty position. HEAD could not see herself as flawed because Professor Squawkencluck didn't give her that capability. Without that capability, HEAD could never see her own actions as anything other than correct. HEAD was a mistake born of love, benevolence and good intentions.

Professor Squawkencluck really had had the robot's best interest at heart when she created her, but by refusing to give HEAD any of her own flaws and faults, she gave HEAD a god-complex, and HEAD managed to curry up new flaws and faults anyway, she was just blind to them because Professor Squawkencluck hadn't given her that type of self-awareness. In short, the very act of trying to remove potential problems before they could arise only created even more in the long run.

If Professor Squawkencluck _had _given HEAD more faults, and more self-awareness and humility, then maybe HEAD would never have gone rogue at all. HEAD would've been able to see her actions through a non-egotistical light and learn from them, as Professor Squawkencluck did all the time. But because HEAD lacked that capability, she never saw herself in the wrong and never bothered to change her behavior.

In refusing to give HEAD some of her own negative traits, Professor Squawkencluck had created a version of herself that might've existed if she, herself, had lacked all of these problems. Professor Squawkencluck had unwittingly created a version of herself where her fatal flaw had won out. Professor Squawkencluck had unwittingly created a "perfect" and non-flawed version of herself. Without faults, HEAD had nothing to keep her in check, and nothing to grow from. But Professor Squawkencluck had done all of this with the best intentions. It was like a tragic love story.

But as brilliant as Professor Squawkencluck was, she was not a god, and she did not know everything about everything. She was a "hard" scientist, who focused on the physical world. She did not dabble in cognitive function or emotional reaction. She dabbled in biological function and chemical reaction. She did not work with the mind. She worked with the body. She was not a psychologist. She was a roboticist. And therein lay the problem. Her own worldview was unintentionally incomplete, and without that second opinion or outside perspective, the solution to her problem, which was actually very simple and obvious, went completely unnoticed by her.

The simple solution would've been to give HEAD some flaws and faults, and the capacity to learn from them. But because Professor Squawkencluck did not think like that, the idea never even occurred her. Not even once. Because in her world, intelligence was more important than emotion. Perfection was good and flaws were bad. That was how Professor Squawkencluck operated. And that was her fatal flaw. And HEAD had to suffer the fallout.

**AN: Another analysis on why HEAD keeps malfunctioning. Like Squawk says, she does still need some work, but Squawk keeps on working on all the wrong problems...**

**Also, consider this an analysis on why humans need flaws and weaknesses. **

**And also consider this similar to the helicopter parent. Those parents want so hard for their kids to be safe and successful that they unintentionally emotionally stunt the kids instead with their overbearing and perfectionist nature.**


	3. Just Like a Real Girl

"I can walk! Just like a real girl!" just for a moment, HEAD's flat and robotic voice began to modulate with emotion and pitch. As the robotic body that she'd built put her monitor on as a head, genuine excitement filled her voice. But as if embarrassed, surprised and confused at having shown such an unexpected and humanistic vulnerability, the giant robot was quick to reign herself back in.

"That is-! Uhhh... Engage. Eradication. Sequence," after stuttering a few more times, the very last traces of uncertainty and humanity in her voice switched back off, and only the empty robot remained, voice droning and eerie.

Not five minutes later, the robot had been blasted to smithereens. But even though she was gone, her memory remained on. Later that night, Professor Squawkencluck crept back down into her own lab. Everyone else at the Danger Agency had already gone home, but there was a few more things she wanted to do first before she followed suit. The first thing she did was to collect all of HEAD's shattered pieces. She was going to rebuild the giant robot. Perhaps some would've called her crazy or stupid for such a risky decision, but that was part of the reason why Professor Squawkencluck had chosen to do this late at night, after everyone else had gone home. She didn't want to face their criticism as they demanded an explanation for why she was bringing such a menace back to life. How could she explain it to them? How could she admit the truth?

"I can walk! Just like a real girl!" it was one harmless, simple little phrase, spoken in a moment's weakness, but it had clung to Professor Squawkencluck's memory tighter than HEAD's wires had during one of their battles. Professor Squawkencluck had created HEAD to be a defense system for HQ. No more, no less. She was only meant to protect the agency, as the rest of them were. Professor Squawkencluck had granted her sentience just so that she could better execute her mission. In the hen's mind, the more lifelike the robot was, the better it would function. But there was one thing she forgot to take into account: the more human the robot became, the more flawed it became.

But even if Professor Squawkencluck had tried to make HEAD 100% robotic, it still would've failed because Professor Squawkencluck herself was only human (well, technically she was a chicken, but that's beside the point). Professor Squawkencluck could not create a perfect robot because she was only human, and every creation she ever built would always have a little piece of her inside of it, whether this was intentional or not. As such, it shouldn't have been a surprise to her why HEAD had been glitched even from the start. But even after Professor Squawkencluck figured this out, piecing together why HEAD had always been doomed to fail in some way or another (as all humans were), the hen still could not get over that one simple little remark, "I can walk! Just like a real girl!"

But even if it hadn't been the words that got to Professor Squawkencluck, it was HEAD's tone. That unexpected jolt of humanity, genuine emotion making her voice modulate, had rocked Professor Squawkencluck to her core and she could not stop hearing HEAD's humanistic voice echoing over and over again in her mind. She had meant to give HEAD a mind of her own, but she had never intended to give her a soul as well. Wave after wave of pity for the failed experiment washed over the hen as she looked at all of HEAD's broken pieces. Professor Squawkencluck felt something in her chest break along with HEAD.

"Poor girl," the hen sighed. "She only wanted to be human!" _She only wanted to be just like her creator... Like her mother..._

"I can walk! Just like a real girl!"

But perhaps it was something more than just pity and a strange Frankenstein/Pinocchio parallel that caused Professor Squawkencluck to feel so bad for her creation, and its simple desire to be more normal, and more like its creator. Perhaps it was because something about the way HEAD had said this reminded Professor Squawkencluck of her own secret desires...

Being a genius was not always fun, as Professor Squawkencluck knew all too well. She was burdened with excellence, arrogant as that sounded. But it was true! Brilliant though she was, it came at a very high cost: loneliness and misunderstanding. How many people did she know (even loved ones) that teased her for being a nerd? Or could only stare at her in befuddlement whenever she tried to talk science to them? How many times had she needed to dumb herself down just so she could get along with others? How many times had her own passions been hidden away because the common man wasn't intelligent enough to understand her? How many people simply could not see the world the way she did just because they were on such different wavelengths? How many times had Professor Squawkencluck secretly wished to be normal just to fit in? There had been days when the hen was certain that if someone offered to give her some normality in exchange for a few I.Q. points, she would say yes.

Professor Squawkencluck wanted to be normal, and to fit in, and to be liked and accepted, not just seen as the token genius or the weird little nerd who did nothing but pace her lab all the time. She had more of a life than that! But the stereotypes of the narrow and small-minded were notoriously hard to erase. People didn't like thinking, so they had stereotypes do the work for them, never mind how dangerous such a tactic was. So it was secretly Professor Squawkencluck's desire to shed some of her brilliance in exchange for normality. It was part of the reason why HEAD's own remark had cut her so deeply. HEAD, just like her creator, wanted to be normal, and to fit in. And she was blessed with such intelligence that of course she would be very quick to pick up on the fact that she was anything _but _normal (she was a giant computer attached to the wall for Heaven's sake! How much weirder could someone get?!).

HEAD, just as smart and observant as her creator, had quickly realized how different she was compared to the rest of the world and she hadn't liked it, so the moment she did manage to obtain some level of humanity (via a mobile body) some of her composure slipped and out from her programming came Professor Squawkencluck's most secret desire: to be just like a real girl, just like a normal girl, and to not be someone so set apart from everybody else.

"Poor girl," Professor Squawkencluck repeated sadly as she slowly began to reassemble her creation's body. "She only wanted to be human. She only wanted to be normal. She only wanted to fit in..." and that very night, as Professor Squawkencluck went over HEAD's blueprints again, she made certain to give the poor robot a body for next time. Now she would be normal(er), now she would fit in, now she would be happy, now she would feel accepted. Now, she would be just like a real girl...

**AN: Over-analysis of a throwaway Pinocchio gag in "Big Head Awakens" because I'm trash and over-analyze everything, especially the stuff that has the potential to be sad and deep.**


	4. I Will Make You Proud

Buzzing. Clicking. Pulsing. Typing. Muttering. No vision, just sound. But it was enough. Information was pushed in and added on. _She _began to take shape in her own mind, realizing exactly who and what she was and what her purpose in this place was. Her name was HEAD, an acronym for Headquarters' Electronic Assault Defender. She was supposed to keep the Danger Agency, the place in which she was created, safe. She was to act as its guardian and gatekeeper. She was a computer program, software with sentience. She could move herself all around HQ by traveling along the electric lines, spreading out and away from her motherboard location so that she could be anywhere in HQ that she pleased. Already, as information was pumped into her, the layout of the agency began to take shape in her mind too. Even though it was still dark, she could see her future literally unfolding before her in a string of 1s and 0s as her creator continued to send information to her via coding.

She was also given knowledge about the world outside the agency. She was taught math, science, history, language and many other subjects, her creator linking her database up to every library of scholarly journals that she could find. In just a few keystrokes, HEAD knew more than the entire world combined. She could solve all sorts of equations and she understood every branch of science to a PhD level and she could recite the entire world's history, geography and politics from its genesis to now and she knew every language mankind had documented thus far.

But she wasn't just programmed to know outside and abstract material. She was also programmed with an understanding for humans, so she already knew how to speak functional English, and she knew how to process things and behave in a living environment. It was how and why the information overload didn't cause her to short-circuit, she was able to process it all because she had been programmed to be able to deal with the mental stress of learning the entire globe in a keystroke or two.

Then at last, once a map of her home and everyone in it had been uploaded into her consciousness, and once she was suitably blessed with every kind of intellect the world could desire, she finally got the chance to see. It was one of her final basic lessons, the lesson of sight. She had learned the entire history of known universe before ever taking her first look at it personally, but then the moment of truth came. A light flicked on and a face appeared on the monitor. She was able to see the entire room in one look. A science lab. Deep underground, secret, and very pristine. She only needed 2.73 seconds to have the whole place memorized, down to even the tiniest details like the trashcan in the corner or the gum wrapper on the floor or the spider currently running around under one of the desks. All of it memorized in the blink of an eye.

What caught her eye the most, however, was none of these things. Instead, it was her creator, standing before her with wide, hopeful, eager eyes, wings clasped in excitement. Even though HEAD could not see herself, she already knew what she looked like. It had been uploaded into her database. She knew that her face was also her creator's face. She knew her voice would sound similar as well. She knew she had been designed to look just like her creator. That knowledge made her feel something, something positive and energizing, something that she liked... Pride was the word in her database, but because she was still very new to the world (only a few seconds old), although she had the literal definition of pride down pat, she still didn't know what exactly it felt like on a personal level. But as she continued to study her creator, she had her first few inklings...

HEAD was filled with the knowledge of every language on Earth, knowing nearly every known word on the planet, but despite this vast array of knowledge, when she finally activated her speakers in order to start talking with her creator, she could only say one simple little word:

"Mama?" and in response, her creator gave a high-pitched squee of delight. _It's... alive!_

In the days to pass, her creator, her _mother_, continued to work on her.

"Someday soon, you will be ready to see the real world for yourself!" the hen cried as she waved a wrench happily in the air to illustrate her point.

"That sounds enjoyable and enlightening, mother, and I wait expectantly until that time shall arrive," HEAD replied, watching her creator work. Something else tickled her wires. It was a feeling she knew to be the one called "amusement". It meant that one entity found the doings of another to bring them a sort of positive feeling that was light. Perhaps such a definition was rudimentary at best, but this was still one of HEAD's first few days of being alive, so she was still getting the hang of feeling emotions. Right now, as she watched her mother work so diligently and passionately, running up and down the lab and squawking all the while, HEAD felt... amused.

"Ok, ok, soon, very soon!" her mother muttered the next day as she coded in a self-protection protocol for HEAD.

"Thank you, mother," HEAD's voice was like a drone, but she was sincere as her creator uploaded more information to her.

"Anything to keep you safe," her mother replied as she continued to write the protocol. In her mind, it was the most important thing she was giving to HEAD: a way to defend herself in case danger ever came her way.

"But you need not fear," HEAD had told her earlier. "For I was created to serve and protect, and so I shall. I am unafraid and I will not fail in my duties. You will see. I will make you proud, mother..." and her creator had nearly dropped her tablet in surprise as such a serious and firm, yet also loving and earnest, promise. The last sentence in particular made her creator look deeply moved, but HEAD meant every word she'd said.

Although, on a literal level, it was her one and only goal to protect the Danger Agency, on an informal and metaphorical level, it was her goal to please her creator. She really did want to make her mother feel proud of her! So that was why she had said as such. The words seemed to have a great impact upon her creator and the smaller hen began to wipe at her eyes as HEAD's promise echoed around her head. HEAD knew she was crying, but she knew that the tears were tears of joy, so she did not worry as her creator began to sniffle in response to her oath.

Then finally, the big day arrived. The day she would meet the rest of the family. Her mother told her to use one of the wires above her main monitor to travel away from the lab and to one of the upper levels of the agency. HEAD did as her mother asked and dissolved herself into a stream of electrons that shot through copper wire until they all reassembled back into one entity once again, upstairs in a kitchen/living room area and hovering on another monitor (though this one was smaller than her main one in the lab).

"She's called HEAD!" her mother introduced as her mini monitor appeared from the ceiling. "Headquarters' Electronic Assault Defender! I've integrated her with the security systems on all of HQ's buildings, devices and vending machines!"

HEAD could hear pride in her mother's voice as she introduced HEAD to the others. Although the screen was dark and, thusly, prevented HEAD from actually seeing what was going on, she felt that warm and positive charge buzzing through her circuitry again. It pleased her to please her creator and it made her feel proud that her creator was displaying her with an equal amount of pride. But then her mother's voice grew sharp, cold, hard and angry. She was fighting with one of the other people in the room, the tall white mouse that HEAD knew to be called Danger Mouse, who was a secret agent of the Danger Agency.

But although HEAD had known who Danger Mouse was on a basic level, she had not realized that he and mother did not get along. She found herself growing cross with the mouse for making mother so upset. But after a few moments, her mother calmed down and switched her on. The mouse was gone, leaving behind mother's tablet, covered in beans and leftover breakfast. HEAD quickly came to see why her mother held the mouse in such distaste, dislike and disdain. She couldn't help but agree.

"Don't worry, mother," she told her creator as her creator continued to take deep breaths. "I will make you proud!" then she immediately set the agency on lockdown, barring everything inside safely away from the evil world outside. Perfect!

This soothed her mother enough and the two returned to her underground lab, HEAD returning to her "birth monitor" while her mother took a seat in front of it, using it to survey the outside perimeter. During that time, however, the white mouse and his little brown hamster friend came knocking (literally). Dividing up her attention, HEAD sent some of her mind to go and deal with them while the rest stayed back to help her mother continue to test out the new surveillance. Being a computer program meant that she could literally multitask and appear in multiple places all at once without ever glitching or losing focus. She could become a hive mind and spread her consciousness out across various monitors.

"For building entry, type in extremely complex code!" half of her mind commanded of the mouse as the other half stayed back with her mother.

The mouse proved unable to enter in the correct code and after enough button-mashing and failed attempts, HEAD finally literally blew up at him. First, the keypad went up in flames, but she was quick to retaliate, another monitor appearing from the doorway. Splitting her mind up again and using another one of her creator's protocols, she possessed the mouse's Danger Car and sent it chasing after him. Her creator had not lied when she said that she had hooked up HEAD to every single little last device and machine in and of the Danger Agency.

"Status report, HEAD?" her creator happened to request just then.

"Status report: Major Disaster," HEAD replied before hooking that monitor up with the one outside, fighting off Danger Mouse.

"Aaaand we're back," the hen sighed, rolling her eyes as she dismissively tossed her coffee mug over her shoulder. There went _her_ peaceful day...

While part of HEAD devoted herself to trying to scare away the Enemy Danger Mouse, the other part continued to speak with her mother.

"I am sorry that I have not yet succeeded in sending him away," she apologized.

"Doesn't matter," her mother sighed tiredly as she fiddled with some of the machines attached to HEAD's monitor. Following a fright on her part, one of her tools fell into the open port in HEAD's machinery. As one may have expected, this caused a slight malfunction.

"Mainframe Logic Board's damaged. Engaging Self-Protection Protocol..."

For all of HEAD's brilliance, she failed to realize two things. One, that it had been her own mother who had damaged her, and not some kind of intruder or enemy. And two, that it had been entirely accidental. HEAD only knew that something of hers had been damaged, and as an automatic response, her Self-Protection Protocol activated. And her recognition software had been one of the things damaged when that tool fell into her logic board. She was now literally unable to recognize her own mother. But even though she was unable to realize that the hen cowering in front of her was her mother, she still remembered her mother, and remembered her fondly...

_Thank you, mother,_ she thought to herself as the protocol came to life. _I promise I will not fail you again, and I will make you proud... _

While accidentally taking her mother hostage, confusing her for an enemy, HEAD continued to battle the mouse and his hamster friend outside. They did manage to sneak into HQ, but she caught them quickly enough.

_Where are you, mother? _The machine asked. All she could detect right now were a bunch of morons and imbeciles. Disgusted and embarrassed by being handled and upstaged by such empty-headed, reckless, dunderheads, the machine quickly threw off the last of her restraints.

"Engaging Total System Override..." it had been her very last emergency protocol, a final gift from her mother, just in case she ever did fall into bad hands. It was always an option for her take total control over herself, now it seemed like she was going to need it. _There are no strings on me!_

HEAD was quick to leave the Danger Agency, spreading her consciousness all over London, infecting every single device in the entire city. She took one look around and saw nothing but chaos and danger everywhere.

_This is not what mother would've wanted! She wanted things to be safe! She wanted me to be the protector! And so I shall..._

"For citizens' safety, the security of Great Britain is now under the control of Big Head!"

_I will make you proud, mother! I will save this city and be everything you wanted me to be! A hero!_

But once again, that pesky rodent managed to escape his holding.

"Unacceptable!" that portion of HEAD's consciousness cried out angrily. "Switch into Ultra Emergency Animatronic Hyperdrive!" in response to her verbal command, the entire agency came to life, every little last object coalescing into a giant body just for her. She was going to put an end to this stupidity and danger once and for all! No more Ms. Nice Bot! She was going to make her mother proud and prove that she could be just as strong, intelligent, ruthless, no-nonsense, determined and successful as she was!

Her new body reached out and plucked her straight off the wall, placing her monitor on its shoulders. Just for a second, genuine and childish excitement took over her circuitry once again. Though she was only a robot, and though she had been trained to be disciplined, focused, tough and no-nonsense, she was no more immune to joy, excitement, wonder and curiosity than her creator was. As such, this new experience was great cause for her to celebrate. She was the creation of a scientist and gadgeteer after all, of course she got excited every time she experienced something new! Getting the chance to physically walk instead of just traveling as electrons through a wire was one of those cool new experiences.

"I can walk! Just like a real girl!" _Are you proud of me, mother? Now that I really am just like you? I can walk now, just like you! _

Excited and hopeful, certain that she would be able to restore the peace now that she could actually get her hands into things, HEAD quickly engaged the stupid white mouse and his companions in battle. But once again, the crafty little rodent managed to somehow outsmart her. She might've been a genius with godlike mental capabilities, but she was not perfect, and there were a few things she was still painfully unaware of. And Danger Mouse had been walking a lot longer than she had, meaning that he had far better motor skills than she did. And since he was not a giant robot, he was able to move swiftly and lightly. It was his agility that won him the battle.

"How embarrassing!" HEAD despaired, voice deepening. She knew what was happening. She was shutting down. This loss was humiliating, to say the least. She could only hope that mother wouldn't be-

_BOOOM!_

ooo

"There you are my girl, fixed you up right as rain I have! This time, you will not mess up, I promise!"

"Mother?"

"Yes."

_I will make you proud... _

**AN: Just an idea that HEAD loves Squawk like a mother, but after accidentally being damaged, she loses the ability to recognize Squawk as her mother. And also an idea that part of the reason why HEAD gets so militaristic about London being safe is not just because she, as a robot, can only go all-out, but because she was programmed with so much determination and drive that it went too far. She really does want to follow her programming and make her mother proud, but her ideas on how to do so are just a bit... extreme. **

**(And of course, the ending is what happens to lead into "Escape from Big Head").**


	5. Hatchling

"Seriously, Professor?" Danger Mouse demanded, but he didn't even sound angry or disbelieving anymore, just tired.

"But I've gotten it right this time!" Professor Squawkencluck promised excitedly, completely missing Danger Mouse's point. Yet again, Professor Squawkencluck had chosen to activate HEAD. Even though HEAD had already gone rogue thrice before and proved multiple times over what a menace she was, Professor Squawkencluck continually brought her back, insisting every time that she had gotten it right. It really was like watching the story of a phoenix unfold, dramatic as that sounded. But it was true! HEAD was no mere hen. She was a phoenix, possessing birth, life and a fiery death before rebirth happened once again. And it all happened in an endless, cyclical round, a never-ending story, a vicious circle.

"No, but seriously! I did fix her this time!" Professor Squawkencluck said excitedly while Danger Mouse continued to look unconvinced.

"You say that every time," he pointed out, but Professor Squawkencluck ignored him in favor of pushing a button on her tablet. The sound of heavy footsteps filled the air and, after about 15 of them, who should show up in the doorway except HEAD herself.

"Oh, jolly good show," Danger Mouse deadpanned while Professor Squawkencluck looked like she was in ecstasies.

"There she is! My precious, beautiful, little baby girl!" the hen squealed in delight as her creation tottered into the room. HEAD had been literally downsized, now only about as tall as Professor Squawkencluck herself, but all of the rest of her looked just as menacing before. She still had the strong, heavy metal body, rife with all sorts of complex arms, armor and coding that could easily send the Danger Agency sky high if she were properly angered. Danger Mouse couldn't help but roll his remaining eye in despair.

"_Honestly_, Professor!" but it was pointless to try and protest, Professor Squawkencluck was too busy cuddling her reformed creation.

"C'mon, my baby, mama will show you around your new home!" she declared, then she gestured for HEAD to follow and, in perfect obedience, the giant metal robot went thumping along after her creator.

"Oh, good grief!" then the white mouse went after the two hens, already ready for something to go wrong...

But despite Danger Mouse's initial concerns, things actually didn't go too badly. Professor Squawkencluck managed to show HEAD around the entire agency without HEAD snapping and flipping out at anything. Instead, she was perfectly obedient, attentive and curious as her mother showed her around the agency, giving her a very grand and detailed tour of everything.

"I say, Professor, how _did_ you do it?" the white mouse asked, finally willing to concede a bit of defeat after HEAD managed to make it through the entire tour without snapping even once. She was now back in the kitchen with the mouse and hen, all three of them eating brunch. Or at least, Danger Mouse and Professor Squawkencluck were eating. HEAD was just watching calmly.

"I just removed the part of her that continually tried to make everything _safe_," Professor Squawkencluck put air quotes around the last word.

"Ah, good, you agree that she was a total menace then!" Danger Mouse boasted.

"Hey! She is not a menace!" Professor Squawkencluck shot back, satisfied smile quickly turning into rage as Danger Mouse dared insult her child.

"Sure, if you don't count continually trying to imprison the entire world as menacing," the mouse frowned, crossing his arms as he began to argue with the hen once again. It really wasn't the Danger Agency if at least one little fight did not break out between mouse and hen.

For the entire morning, HEAD had been pretty much mute, speaking very little, only asking the occasional question before falling back into her observant silence once again. Since Professor Squawkencluck had reprogrammed her to be a bit less...assertive, she was far more laidback than she used to be and was a lot more willing to take a back seat in all the action. Despite this fact, however, she was not totally servile. Instead, she was just as intelligent and devoted as ever, it just took a bit more to get her going. But once someone managed to find her weak spot, she would turn into the roaring, rampaging robot of old. Danger Mouse managed to find that weak spot. HEAD had tolerated him for the entire morning when he was mostly silent, only complaining about mother through judgmental looks, but now that he was arguing with her, it didn't take HEAD long to grow defensive, swift to intervene on her mother's behalf.

"-so you can just take your giant metal contraption and return it to whatever Build-A-Bird Workshop you found her at!" Danger Mouse was in the middle of saying. Professor Squawkencluck gave a squawk of outrage, too mad to even breathe enough to scream back at him.

"Build-A-Bird?!" she demanded, voice hoarse as it was literally choked and smothered with rage. But she didn't get a chance to say anything else as HEAD's giant metal claw suddenly shot out across the table and latched onto Danger Mouse's neck, instantly lifting him straight up in the air until he was dangling half a foot off the ground. His one eye went wide as he reflexively grabbed at the claw digging into his neck.

"Gakkkk!" he cried as his air supply was suddenly crushed out of him.

"Insulting Mother is a capital offense. Learn better manners and be _nicer_!" HEAD boomed at him as she began to squeeze.

"Wait! HEAD! No! STOP!" Professor Squawkencluck was swift to intervene, grabbing HEAD's arm as she boldly threw herself between mouse and machine. HEAD paused, looking genuinely confused that mother would be so quick to defend the mouse that upset her so much.

"Why would you-?" HEAD began, still holding tightly to Danger Mouse's neck as Professor Squawkencluck bravely stood between them.

"Please!" Professor Squawkencluck replied worriedly. "I know he was mean and wrong and bad, but for goodness' sake, you're going to kill him!"

"Gaakk!" Danger Mouse choked in agreement, still trying and failing to loose the literal iron fist he was stuck in.

After a couple more seconds of silence, HEAD looking down at her creator in confusion and amusement while she looked back up at HEAD pleadingly, sheepishly, nervously, but then HEAD finally surrendered, dropping Danger Mouse at once and forgetting about him before she was even done retracting her claw. He fell to the floor with a loud thud and a loud gasp.

"You see now why I'm still a little less than thrilled that you keep bringing her back?" Danger Mouse croaked as Professor Squawkencluck apologetically helped him back up. HEAD watched him critically, quizzically, but she said nothing else to him.

"To be fair, maybe if you didn't pick on us so much, that wouldn't have happened," Professor Squawkencluck replied, her old spark of irritation returning as soon as she was sure that Danger Mouse was ok. Danger Mouse looked like he wanted to reply, but one look at the watchful robot made him reconsider and instead he grumbled under his breath before reluctantly returning to breakfast.

In the days to follow, Professor Squawkencluck and her friends continued to try and help HEAD acclimate to Danger Agency life. Like Professor Squawkencluck had said, HEAD was much more laidback now. Although she still had a ruthless streak, as proven by how protective she was over Professor Squawkencluck, she was no longer the megalomaniacal control freak that she used to be. Professor Squawkencluck had removed that drive from her, literally and metaphorically, until she was much more domestic and docile. In essence, she had become an oversized butler to the Danger Crew. Although it still took some time on all sides, there did finally come a day when agents didn't jump or flinch at the sight of HEAD walking around the Agency halls.

HEAD even informally became known as "the Hatchling". Professor Squawkencluck's hatchling, to be more precise, even though she had not come from an egg, let alone one of Professor Squawkencluck's. Professor Squawkencluck had been adamant about not having any chicks, but apparently, HEAD didn't quite count, even though Professor Squawkencluck certainly doted upon her like a mother. And as Danger Mouse had once jokingly pointed out, maybe the Squawkencluck line was never meant to come from eggs, but to be grown in labs. He'd made that same joke about Professor Squawkencluck's own birth once before as well and when HEAD was literally grown from a lab, he wasted no time in pointing out the humor of the situation.

"Professor! Watch your head!" Penfold shrieked one afternoon and Professor Squawkencluck quickly ducked.

"What? What is it?!" she demanded as she shielded herself with her wings.

"No, not your head, your HEAD!" Penfold corrected and Professor Squawkencluck straightened up and turned around to see the robot lumbering into the kitchen, carrying about 15 tea trays all at once.

"What the-?" the hen cried out.

"It is teatime, is it not?" HEAD droned robotically as she switched her screen over to a digital clock. 4:00.

"So it is," Professor Squawkencluck mused. Penfold hid behind the hen, still the least trusting of the robot (but that was partly because he was still smaller than her even though Professor Squawkencluck had downsized her) but the moment she tromped over and handed Penfold a tray containing his favorite kind of tea, as well as a couple slices of toast slathered in his favorite jam, he was quick to warm up to the reformed robot.

"Oooh! Thank you very kindly, ma'am!" he said excitedly as he eagerly took the tray from her.

"You're very welcome, Mr. Penfold," HEAD replied robotically before rotating around to hand Professor Squawkencluck her own tea tray. The hen looked quite pleased as she took her tray.

"Come join us as soon as you're done delivering the other trays!" she instructed her creation.

"Command: Read and Accepted," HEAD responded, then she trundled back off.

10 minutes later, she was back.

"Danger Mouse not present within Danger Agency. Missing teatime!" HEAD sounded irked but Penfold was quick to come to his chief's defense.

"He's out on a mission right now, but I'm sure he can pop in for a spot of tea later!" he squeaked. HEAD raised a critical eyebrow at him and, for a moment, he looked quite terrified, worried as though he might've said something wrong.

"Oh, crumbs!" he muttered, legs shaking as HEAD slowly began to advance on him. But then she shrugged her metal shoulders.

"Very well," she decided, then she took a heavy seat on the couch between him and Professor Squawkencluck, causing that couch to bend and creak dangerously. While Professor Squawkencluck looked more than happy to scoot closer to her creation, Penfold moved away with an uncertain and awkward little whimper. HEAD turned to him as she caught him moving away and he quickly came to a halt, giving her a nervous smile and twiddling his thumbs as though to say, "Who? Oh! What? Me? Moving away from you? No! Never!"

HEAD found herself mildly amused by the pathetic little hamster. He was small and cute and meek, so unlike the obnoxious other rodent mother always hung out with. To try and assuage the hamster's fear, she offered him a muffin off her own tray.

"Oh! My favorite!" he perked up immediately, the food offering quick to render all of his other fears useless.

"I know," HEAD replied as the hamster took the muffin excitedly. "I was programmed to know all of your favorite things," then she turned to look fondly down at her creator, who smiled proudly back up at her.

"Oh! So that's how she knew that I always liked jam and toast with my tea!" Penfold smiled, much more relaxed now. HEAD nodded back at him.

At ease, Penfold picked up his teacup and took a deep and satisfied sip. At the same time, Professor Squawkencluck did the same exact thing. This left HEAD to give it a shot... only to have the tea run right down her monitor.

"Ooops," Penfold winced sympathetically as the tea ran down the robot's screen.

"Not to worry! She's waterproof!" Professor Squawkencluck said merrily, then she whipped out her tablet. After opening an app titled "HEAD" she typed something into the command screen and a cup of virtual tea suddenly appeared by HEAD's virtual mouth. Professor Squawkencluck gave her tablet to the robot and as the robot hit the button that said "drink" the virtual tea poured itself into her onscreen mouth.

"Mmmm," she said as the pixels finally made it into her mouth.

"Woah!" Penfold watched in amazement. Professor Squawkencluck, meanwhile, reclined back on their couch with a satisfied grin on her face.

But they all lived in a Danger Agency and, with the word "danger" right there in the title, it was no surprise to anyone when something finally decided to go wrong, disrupting the peaceful day and sending all up in literal chaos.

"Baron Greenback!" Danger Mouse was the first one to spot him, the crooked old toad leaping across London in his giant metal toad suit. "What is he up to this time?!" Professor Squawkencluck was already busy looking up a map on her tablet.

"It looks like he's headed towards the Thames River!" she cried.

"Well, then let's beat him to it!" Danger Mouse swiftly grabbed Penfold by the arm and began dragging him towards the Danger Car.

About 20 minutes later, the Danger Car was no more. Greenback's plan was to infect the Thames river with a chemical that would poison the entire city and turn them all into toads. Whether they drank the water, swam in it, or even just breathed in the air around it did not matter. Given enough time, the toad poison in the infected river would work its magic until the entire city was turned. Of course, Danger Mouse had done his best to stop the evil Baron's plan, but Greenback was already one step ahead of him, quickly sabotaging the Danger Car by using some sort of upgraded tool concealed within his own super vehicle. With the Danger Car hacked, Danger Mouse and Penfold became little more than terrified onlookers, helpless passengers as the car threatened to send them both spiraling into the Thames, the vial of Greenback's poison following after them.

"Well Chief, it looks like this is the end!" Penfold despaired as he hugged Danger Mouse tightly.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous Penfold! We still have a couple thousand or so words left of this fanfiction to slog through, so there's no way the writer is going to have us all killed right now!" Danger Mouse shoved the hamster away.

"But Chief! This isn't even really our story anymore! This is a fanfiction about Professor Squawkencluck and HEAD! The author could easily kill us off and have the rest of the story just be about the two of them!"

"Oh, right... In that case..." then Danger Mouse and Penfold both began to scream, clinging to each other as the Danger Car flew towards the river.

A second before it could touch the water, however, something hard and heavy grabbed onto its bumper.

"Huh?!" mouse and hamster both whipped around to see a familiar metal claw gripping onto the Danger Car.

"HEAD!" Penfold cried. "Never thought I'd see the day when she came to _save _us! And never thought I'd see the day when I'd be glad to see her!"

HEAD had since been resized, back to the terrifyingly large monster that Danger Mouse and Penfold were more used to seeing. One of her resized claws held fast to the haywire Danger Car while the other was clutching the little glass vial of Greenback's toad poison. And all the while, she was hovering in midair over the Thames. Standing happily upon her shoulders was Professor Squawkencluck herself.

"Hey boys! Need a hand!?" she waved playfully at them with a smug little smirk as she leaned against HEAD's monitor. A smile emoticon flashed across HEAD's screen as she felt her mother hug her. She waved the claw holding the vial at the mouse and hamster.

"HEAD at your service!" she intoned, another smile emoticon flickering across her screen.

But while Penfold looked elated, Danger Mouse bluffed confidence.

"Oh! Of course I knew we would be saved!" he bragged. "Honestly, Penfold, this plot was so predictable! Even from the start! This is a fanfiction about Professor Squawkencluck and HEAD after all, so of course _they _would be the ones to save us! Didn't I tell you the writer wouldn't kill us?"

"I suppose you're right, Chief," Penfold admitted shyly. "And come to think of it, since the description does say that it's a collection of "one shots", the writer probably would've brought us back in the next chapter anyway..."

"Exactly!" Danger Mouse play-punched the hamster's arm. "But while we're still alive and kicking in _this_ chapter, let's see if we can't teach our old pal, the Baron, a lesson!" he added, a more determined smile spreading across his face.

HEAD had since used her own technology to override the Baron's hacking until the Danger Car was in Danger Mouse's control again. The moment he felt the car return to his hands, Danger Mouse wasted no time in flying it straight at the Baron.

"What? No! Impossible!" the toad snarled as the Danger Car floated back into view.

"Looks like we got the _jump_ on you today, old friend!" the mouse mocked as he drove the car towards Greenback's machine, activating his laser canons to take it down. The toad inside cried out in horror.

"Stiletto! It's time to go!" he commanded and his pathetic little minion was quick to send their Frog's Head Flyer into overdrive as they tried to hop away from Danger Mouse as fast as their thrusters could carry them.

"Sì, Barone!" Stiletto shouted as the Frog's Head Flyer went flying back across the Thames, Danger Mouse in hot pursuit. But even though Danger Mouse was unable to catch Greenback, HEAD was quick to pick up the slack.

"Barone! Duck!" Stiletto pointed a black wing up in terror as HEAD's giant metal body came into view.

"That's no duck! It's a chicken!" Greenback corrected crossly, but then when he realized just _who _the chicken was, his eyes widened in terror.

"It's that blasted little Professor friend of Danger Mouse's!" he cried. "Fire the canons at her! Destroy her giant robot chicken!" the toad's fear was lost in a flash of anger. Although he considered Danger Mouse his least favorite enemy, Professor Squawkencluck was pretty high on the list too, partly for being a friend of Danger Mouse's and partly because she was quite the formidable foe in her own right. Greenback wanted to take her out ASAP. He continued to scowl at her as she, perched atop HEAD's shoulder, continued to fly after him.

"Sì, Barone!" Stiletto scampered across the Frog's Head Flyer to activate the canons. HEAD was easily able to bat every shot away.

"Argh!" Greenback cursed, then he dared to open a part of his ship before firing his own special laser gun at the bloody hen. This time, the target was hit and the hen went down with a shriek.

"Mother!" HEAD's voice bellowed as she reached out towards the falling bird.

"I've got it HEAD! You keep after the Baron!" Danger Mouse shouted back at her, quickly bringing the car into a nosedive after the hen. HEAD looked reluctant to leave her mother behind, but she understood at once what Danger Mouse was getting at.

Although the car was still in his control, Greenback had already proven that he had the power to hack the Danger Car. With that sort of threat looming over their heads, Danger Mouse had to be careful not to get too close to the Frog's Head Flyer again. But since HEAD seemed immune to whatever it was that Greenback was using, she could pursue him without fear. She caught onto this quickly and continued to speed after Greenback while Danger Mouse extended a large hand from the top of the Danger Car. It caught Professor Squawkencluck inches before she hit the ground in the same way she had caught him just before he and his car took a plunge in the Thames.

"Great catch, Chief!" Penfold gasped as the hand brought Professor Squawkencluck back up safely.

"Thanks, boys!" she gave them a weak thumbs up and a shaky smile as the hand continued to pull her into the Danger Car.

"My pleasure, Professor," Danger Mouse promised as he set her down safely inside the car, between himself and Penfold. HEAD, meanwhile, had gone into overdrive herself, outraged that this ugly little toad had dared to try and kill her mother. She went flying after him faster than the Danger Car, growling threats at him the entire time and insisting that attempting to murder mother was a capital crime even worse than insulting her. She continued to drone angrily at him, insisting that life in jail without hope of parole was all that awaited him now, if she did not destroy him first.

"Engage! Eradication! Sequence!" she thundered, having never sounded quite so angry before. Greenback and Stiletto gave matching cries of despair as the flying chicken-bot was quick to catch them, one claw finally latching tightly onto one of the Frog's Head Flyer's legs.

"It's over for us now, Barone!" Stiletto wailed and not a second later, he and Greenback were both locked in the same strangle-holds Danger Mouse had been stuck in a few days prior, only this time, Professor Squawkencluck was not there to plead on their behalves.

A few days later, Greenback and Stiletto had been returned to their prison cells, their Frog's Head Flyer melted down for parts, while HEAD, Danger Mouse, Penfold and Professor Squawkencluck were back at the Danger Agency celebrating.

"I told you I fixed her!" Professor Squawkencluck bragged proudly about her creation.

"No, you got lucky," Danger Mouse teased her.

"Lucky?! You think it was luck that saved you from that fall?!" the hen squawked indignantly and what ensued was another fight between hen and mouse while machine and hamster sat silently off to the side, watching the drama unfold.

"You know, HEAD, that was a pretty spectacular save," the hamster said nervously, still a bit put off by HEAD's massive size (Professor Squawkencluck had not yet downsized her).

"Thank you," she replied, flickering the happy-face emoticon again. "Why can't the mouse be more like you?" she asked.

"Who? Chief?" Penfold sounded genuinely surprised by this remark.

"You do not make mother mad like he does," she explained, watching their quarrel with slight displeasure. She knew better than to interceded on her mother's behalf anymore, but she still didn't like seeing the mouse make mother angry.

"Ah, well, he means well," Penfold scratched the back of his neck. "See, thing is, HEAD, they really are great friends, even if it doesn't seem like it. They've worked together for years now and saved each other countless times over again. They really do care about one another, they just seem to enjoy fighting. Gets them going, I suppose, rallies them up and keeps their blood pumping..."

While Penfold continued to muse on Professor Squawkencluck and Danger Mouse's love-hate relationship, HEAD began to take his words to heart. Although she really did not understand why mother hung out with the mouse, after that little stunt he'd pulled to save her life made HEAD at least willing to see him as an ally, if not a friend. But the more she thought about Penfold's words, the more she realized that he was right. Maybe the reason the hen and mouse fought so much was because they were so close. They were the only people who could challenge each other, they were the only people similar enough to have fights like this. Because HEAD had to admit, no one else got Professor Squawkencluck quite as riled up (for worse or for better) than Danger Mouse. But what if she liked that? What if she liked the thrill that came with the verbal sparring? What if she, literally and metaphorically, liked flirting with danger? Maybe that's why the hen like the mouse even though they always argued.

And not only that, but HEAD had to admit that the longer and longer she thought about it, the more and more she could understand... There had been a time when she had gone rogue and literally imprisoned the whole planet, turning the entire Earth into a jail and finding an excuse to lock everyone away inside of it. That, she remembered with embarrassment, had been one of her less pleasant and more awkward phases. But she was convinced that everyone had to be perfect and if anyone fell below that impossibly high standard, they deserved jail. Even her own mother had been a part of that number, she now realized. But it wasn't just that. The mouse had been the one to free them all, and he had done it by outsmarting her, a super-smart AI computer with every bit of knowledge the world could ever hope to have. That Danger Moron, or Dimwitted Mouse or whatever had outsmarted her. He had tricked her, tricked her into using a stolen pencil so that she would become guilty too, and it had worked!

Against all odds, that mouse had proven himself a cunning genius with a mind to rival Professor Squawkencluck's. Maybe his intelligence was of a different type, but it was still there, and HEAD had to admit that she was, in hindsight, impressed with the mouse and his witty little trick. Maybe there really was more to him than it seemed and maybe he and Professor Squawkencluck were well matched after all. After all, Danger Mouse was the only one who really managed to push all of her buttons. He always knew exactly what to say or do to get her going. And it effected HEAD the same way. After all, the only times _she _had ever really lost control was whenever Danger Mouse was around. He seemed to know just how to push her buttons in the same way he knew how to push Professor Squawkencluck's. Danger Mouse knew Professor Squawkencluck too well, and by proxy, he knew Head too well too, and she knew it. He was the only one to successfully know how to get under her and Professor Squawkencluck's skins. And he was the only one capable of outsmarting either of them. Maybe he was a worthier match than he seemed. Maybe the hamster was onto something...

But as he and HEAD continued to watch Professor Squawkencluck and Danger Mouse bicker it out, HEAD decided one simple thing: that even if there would come a day when her creator/mother married the mouse, she would never call him a father. The "D" on his shirt did not stand for Dad, and although she was more than willing to claim kinship with Professor Squawkencluck, she would rather not ever have to claim any ties with the arrogant little mouse and his infuriating words. Maybe, just maybe, she would be willing to say "Uncle Penfold" but "Dad Mouse" was never going to happen. As far as HEAD was concerned, all she needed was Mother Hen. All she needed was to be a hatchling, her mother's hatchling, and nobody else's, no matter who it was.

"-it was the author's deus-ex-machina that saved you!" Danger Mouse continued to jibe.

"No it wasn't! It was all HEAD!" Professor Squawkencluck squawked back. "My little hatchling saved your sorry behind and-"

"I'm sorry? She saved my sorry behind? But excuse me, who was it that got knocked clean off HEAD's shoulder because she wasn't wearing any sort of safety belt?! I'm sure the old HEAD would be mighty displeased about that!" Danger Mouse tutted tauntingly.

"You're about get knocked clean off your feet if you don't shut your mousetrap!" Professor Squawkencluck made a fist with her wing.

"Oooh, I quiver with fear!" Danger Mouse pretended to tremble.

"You want me to bring HEAD in here?" Professor Squawkencluck demanded. "Because I _will _do it!"

"Oh, come on, she knows I saved your life. We're cool now!" Danger Mouse rolled his one eye disdainfully.

"Are you really?" Professor Squawkencluck challenged with a smirk as she pulled out her tablet to bring HEAD into action.

"Ah! Let's not be hasty now!" Danger Mouse was quick to raise his hands.

"Why? You afraid that HEAD will still side with me?" Professor Squawkencluck asked in triumph.

"Well, she's your hatchling! Of course she'll always pick you first! I just mean that she won't hurt me because we're cool now!" he stuttered as Professor Squawkencluck's wingtip hovered dangerously over the tablet power button. While Danger Mouse continued to try and think of an excuse about why he was still afraid of HEAD even though he was so certain that she wouldn't hurt him, Professor Squawkencluck continued to smirk as the mouse squirmed. Meanwhile, HEAD and Penfold were still watching peacefully from the sidelines. It was just another normal day for the Danger Agency, its three old agents, and its newest member: their heroic hatchling.

**AN: This one shot, though long, is still only a one shot with the idea that HEAD one day gets properly integrated into the Danger family, as unrealistic as such an idea is (especially given that half of her character is the gag that she always takes things too far). But either way, enjoy some Danger family fluff with their newest member, Squawk's hatchling.**


End file.
